I spend a lot of time writing and talking about how we show up for the people around us. Communication. Consideration. The way we treat others in professional settings and beyond.
But I’ve been wanting to say something honest about that for a while now.
None of it comes from a place of having everything figured out. It comes from years of research, observation, and a lot of personal reflection. Thinking about the ways I’ve shown up in my own relationships. The ways I’ve responded to people, and the ways they’ve responded to me. Conversations during trainings that I still think about weeks later. Reading things that challenged me in ways I didn’t expect.
So if you’ve ever read something I’ve written and felt like it was pointing a finger, I want to clear that up. That’s never the intention. What I’m really trying to share is what I’ve come to understand, through study and real experience, about what makes people feel genuinely seen and respected. What makes them feel dismissed. What consideration looks like when it’s actually practiced, not just talked about.
Because that’s the whole thing. Human connection. It’s what all of this is building toward.
The Misunderstanding Around Etiquette
When most people hear the word etiquette, they think of rules. Formality. A world that belongs to a certain kind of person with a certain kind of upbringing.
I understand why that image exists. But it’s not the full picture.
Here’s what I’ve come to believe: etiquette, at its core, costs nothing. It’s one of the few tools for building connection that is completely accessible to everyone. What it asks of us is simple, even if it isn’t always easy. It asks us to shift our attention outward. To think about the people around us rather than staying focused on ourselves.
Yes, I teach dining etiquette. I genuinely love a well-set table and I make no apologies for that. But the place setting is the surface. What sits underneath it is more interesting: Are you thinking about the comfort of the people you’ve invited? Are you paying attention to the host who went out of their way for you? Are you walking into a room with any awareness of how others might be feeling when you arrive?
That’s the real work. Consideration. Respect. Honesty. The things that make connection not just possible, but lasting.
Why Humility Is the Foundation
Here’s what I find most compelling about etiquette, and what I think gets lost in the conversation about it: it requires humility.
You simply cannot practice it with your focus turned entirely inward. The moment you walk into a space genuinely thinking about others, what they need, how to make the interaction easier for them, you’ve already begun. That outward focus is the practice. The rules and protocols are just scaffolding around it.
This is also why I resist the idea that etiquette belongs to a certain class of people or a certain level of education. The heart of it, the care, the awareness, the intention, is available to anyone willing to direct their attention toward someone other than themselves.
I haven’t mastered it. I’m still learning, still noticing things, still reconsidering how I approach situations. But I keep coming back to this subject because I genuinely believe that small acts of consideration have a larger impact than we tend to give them credit for. That the way we treat people, in meetings, in conversations, at dinner tables, accumulates into something real.
I’m in the middle of figuring this out, same as everyone else. I just happen to spend a lot of time thinking about it out loud.
About the Author
Trina Boos is the Founder and CEO of Boost Academy of Excellence, where she helps professionals master workplace etiquette and business skills for today’s evolving work environment. Drawing from her experience as former CEO of Boost Agents, Trina has placed thousands of professionals in leading organizations across North America.
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