You’ve probably experienced it at some point in your career. That proposal you carefully crafted, the thoughtful introduction you made, or the follow-up after what seemed like a great conversation… and then nothing. Complete silence. Radio silence.
It’s painful. It feels personal. And to be completely honest? I’ve experienced it too.
Recently, I connected with an HR leader at a conference. When she learned what I do, her face lit up. She handed me her business card with such enthusiasm I nearly dropped it – the exchange was so swift and unexpected. “We need to connect,” she told me. “This is exactly what we need in our organization.”
I came home feeling energized about the opportunity. I sent a warm follow-up email. Made a phone call. Sent another thoughtful note. Nothing. Days became weeks. My thoughts spiraled: Did I misread how excited she was? Was she just being polite? Did something I say turn her off?
Here’s what years in recruitment, advertising, and leadership training have taught me: ghosting is rarely about you, and it’s almost never as straightforward as it appears.
The Nuance We Miss
The etiquette is straightforward: don’t ghost. Respond. Communicate. Show basic courtesy in professional settings. But this is where complexity enters – and where we need more grace than we realize.
I had a colleague once who was frustrated with a client who missed a three-week deadline without any explanation. The team was prepared to cut ties. When the client finally got back to us, we discovered they’d gone through a sudden family tragedy and simply couldn’t think about work. They hadn’t even thought to set an out-of-office message.
That moment shifted how I think about ghosting.
Sometimes it’s avoiding a difficult conversation. Sometimes depression or anxiety makes even a basic text feel overwhelming. Sometimes it’s organizational chaos, genuine emergencies, or being buried under competing priorities.
But sometimes? It’s simply poor character and lack of consideration. That’s a reality too.
What You Control (And What You Don’t)
You can’t control if someone responds. You can’t control their priorities, mental state, or how they value communication.
But here’s what you control: your response, your standards, and your behavior.
When you’re ghosted, pause before reacting. Check your assumptions. Follow up once or twice gracefully, then redirect your energy. Use ghosting as information – if someone shows you early on that communication isn’t their priority, believe them. Is this someone you want building a long-term professional relationship with?
And perhaps most importantly: you understand how it feels to be ghosted. So commit to never doing it yourself – even when it’s uncomfortable, even when you’re swamped, even when the news isn’t good.
Lessons I’ve Learned Through Experience
Don’t depend on one opportunity. Keep multiple possibilities moving forward. When you’re not relying on one person or one deal, a single ghosting won’t derail you.
Present proposals live whenever possible. I learned this after too many ghosting experiences. Live presentations prevent ghosting, create collaboration, and significantly increase your success rate.
Remember that situations change. Whether you’re the “big fish” or the “little fish” now, relationships matter. That person you ghosted when you were busy? They could be someone you need help from later. That small business you ignored at your big company? Their CEO might interview you next year.
Develop the ability to deliver difficult news. It’s challenging, but critical. Practice saying “This isn’t right for us,” or “We’re going a different direction,” or “I don’t have capacity now.” Clear communication – even uncomfortable communication – beats silence every time.
The Challenge
If you’ve ghosted someone (and let’s be real, many of us have), reflect on why. What made silence easier than a difficult conversation? What could you have done differently? What was the effect on that person, their business, your relationship, your reputation?
And if you’ve been ghosted lately? Allow yourself to move forward. Don’t let someone else’s silence determine your worth or stop your momentum.
We create cultures – in our teams, our industries, our professional networks – through how we treat people. Choose integrity. Choose clear communication. Choose to be someone who responds, even when it’s hard.
Because ultimately, people want to work with people they trust. And trust builds one conversation at a time – especially the difficult ones.
About the Author
Trina Boos is the Founder and CEO of Boost Academy of Excellence, where she helps professionals master workplace etiquette and business skills for today’s evolving work environment. Drawing from her experience as former CEO of Boost Agents, Trina has placed thousands of professionals in leading organizations across North America.
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